as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
