I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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