Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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