What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
