Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
