I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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