Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
