so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
