You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
