He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
