everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
