Jerry, you need to find god
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
