im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
