I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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