wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
