is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
