I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
