I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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