Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm like, not good at living.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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