the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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