My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
