i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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