i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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