I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
