just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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