If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
