Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
These tits shall not be calmed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
