I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
