you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
