with your own penis?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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