And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
