i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
