why didn't you poke me back
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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