dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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