i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
