I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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