i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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