What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
