Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
