I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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