ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
