That's when you crack a 10am beer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
