Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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