why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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