listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
