im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
