I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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