I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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