kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
