My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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