this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize