I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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