Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
