just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
