i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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