Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
