well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
