if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
