wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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