# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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