guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
