Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
