The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
