Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
