It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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