it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All the doctor said was why
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
