I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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